MY LIFE IS MINE.
Those four words hit me like a lightning bolt this morning as I read Glamour’s piece about Tracee Ellis Ross’ speech on fulfillment at Glamour’s 2017 Women of the Year Summit.
As an award winning actress with a plethora of accomplishments to her name, unmarried with no children at age 45, Ross faced countless questions as to why this is...as if a woman’s life is not truly fulfilled until she checks those two boxes.
I am a single 43 year old, childless woman so I can empathize to a certain extent. Like Ross, I too had once thought about the prospect of finding The One and wearing a white princess ball gown wedding dress. I’d even tried some dresses on 15 years ago...found the dress that made all of the mothers and daughters ‘oooh and aaah’ as I stepped out of the dressing room. It was perfection. But I put it back on the hanger, left it in the dressing room and drove home. That was the last time I ever stepped foot in a bridal shop. And I am at peace.
I was a late bloomer. I never dated through high school or college. I had my first kiss at age 33 (it was GLORIOUS!) I have been very prudent (not a PRUDE!) with my sexuality as well as with whom I spend time. You HAVE to be these days, in my opinion. I don’t need to be wasting my time with someone who is a negative Nancy with no self-awareness, no confidence and not living a purpose-driven life. It’s important to be mindful of the company you keep. Thankfully, I’ve never received a barrage of questions from friends or family as to why I have yet to settle down. They’ve been remarkably respectful. Furthermore, in 2008 due to medical issues, I had surgery making it impossible for me to have children. I am at peace about this situation as well.
After my parents died 24 months ago, my perspective changed. I learned how quickly life can end but how to embrace each day as if it were my last. I also learned the importance of appreciating & ploving who I am, the blessings I’ve been given, and the people who are in my life because they can be taken from you in an instant. I came into a new strength, awareness and realization that I am enough, just as I am. I also learned the importance of owning my story and speaking my truth. It has been revolutionary.
I am beyond grateful for where I am and what I’m doing. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced this kind of peace in my entire life. Everything’s not perfect, but it’s good. I spent my entire life trying to appease everyone around me because I was afraid of rejection and abandonment. These past 24 months have changed me; changed my perspective. Tracee reminded me, “MY LIFE IS MINE.” I am no longer living for others’ expectations. I am no longer settling for ‘less than’ what I truly desire for my life. “My life IS mine.” That is a profoundly empowering statement. My choices. Mine.
So thank you Tracee Ellis Ross, for the priceless gift of empowerment.
Life changing.
