Outside The Box

Thomas Oppong calls it "limitless thinking" or "thinking without rules" (9 Ways To Harness Your Creativity ("Think Outside The Box" is Overrated). Whatever you want to call it, it challenges your long, established opinions. At least it did mine.

If you've followed my journey these past two years, you will know how my life has changed since the deaths of my parents...and then the loss of my job a few months later. As I write those words, it blows me away. The understatement of the century. I cannot wrap my brain around it some days. Some days it is so far from my mind. A blur is probably the best way I can describe it all. Literally.

Tomorrow, October 16th will have been TWO years since Momma died. Two years. It doesn't even make sense. And yet life has gone on around me, and I have been cloistered in my little bubble trying to figure out how to move forward. I know I HAVE to, so I do it all within the comfort and safety of my home. Safety. That's been my sole focus. If I don't go outside, then I'm safe, from pain, rejection, shame, abandonment, etc. But holy cow! How realistic is THAT?! Not at all. I had to get real with myself. Also, my bank account was a great source of reality as well. LOL

So....After several months of job searching and spending a chunk of change to have my resume and LinkedIn profile professionally rewritten, to no avail, I tried something completely different........For those of you who know me, you may be thinking, "What?! But you have an MBA! Why aren't you using your degree???" Keep reading.

I had been an Uber RIDER a handful of times over the past several months, but was apprehensive about becoming a driver. However, after a great deal of research on my part (I'm a researcher at heart!) I felt I had all of the information I needed to make the decision to become a driver. Within a few short hours on a Saturday afternoon, I was approved after submitting documentation about myself, my car and my insurance. I love driving and I love people, so WHY NOT! Plus, I choose my own hours. AND it provides me with the ability to continue writing my book. What could be better?!

This path definitely doesn't fit my original plans. My focus was entirely fixed on securing a position in local or federal government or politics, either here in Charlotte or back in Indiana. My "job history" was littered with positions I had taken simply because I needed a paycheck. After Momma and Dad died and I lost my job, I felt as if I had a new opportunity to choose exactly what I wanted to do....to no longer SETTLE for what I HAD to do, but finally do what I WANTED to do. This is just another route.

As I drive, I have found that I am able to share my story of the past two years, how God, my family & friends and my will to survive carried me through. I have had two divine connections through sharing my story which confirmed to me what a ministry this could be. I knew God had me in a rebuilding process, but He is rebuilding in his own design unknown to me. It is in no way what I envisioned in my small-boxed mind of what I thought I wanted.

Every day is a new adventure. I don't bother to try and look further than today. I have learned, through the most difficult season of my life, the power of living in the moment. Being grateful for the day that I have, showing love to my family and those with whom I come in contact. To use it in a way that blesses others...tomorrow is not guaranteed. Today is a gift.

Bless you!

Making A Connection

📷Europe Close Protection Company

You've seen those people. You may have been one, a time or two, or maybe even every time you travel. The runners. Those travelers running through the terminal trying to make their connection.

They could be off on a relaxing vacation. Or they could be on their way to an important business meeting in the hopes of landing a huge new client for their company. Nothing causes more anxiety or frustration than delays of any kind, manmade or natural, forcing us to take off in a dead sprint 0-60 in the middle of a crowded terminal to make our connection! I've been there a time or two, and not of my own making.

Once you're able to make that connection, you slump down into your seat. Maybe sweat is beading on your forehead or running down your face, you feel as if your heart is beating out of your chest and you think you'll never catch your breath. But one thing is certain, the peace that washes over you knowing you MADE IT. Everything is going to be alright. You can relax and sit back for the ride.

This morning, in that hour or so before I wake up, I had a dream like many other nights and mornings. Dreams come often to me. Some days they are mild and meaningful and I have a direct understanding of their meaning and application to my life. And other days, I literally dream Hollywood blockbuster movies; plot, activity, actors, the whole bit. Its mind-boggling!

📷InMinutes.com

I digress. Back to 'connection.' So this morning I have a dream that I am traveling, with a group of people who I knew, some from high school and some from college. I had gotten separated from them in the airport and I was trying to make our connection but I had no idea where they were. So I tried to get through the airport as fast as I could. Apparently this was a huge trip (a big deal) because when I finally connected with one of the other girls on the trip, she told me that two of the guys on the trip with us (2 boys who bullied me in school) were talking about me and making fun of me because of what I was trying to do....when I heard that, I broke down, in great big sobs. Through my sobs I said, "Why are they doing this to me? This is the first big thing I've tried since my Mom & Dad died. Where's their humanity?" I could physically feel myself sobbing while I was dreaming. It was the weirdest sensation. Then I woke up.

Here's what I think it all means.
I was separated from the others: I am meant to go on this journey of connection alone.
The first big thing I've tried: Owning my story and writing it to encourage others in their journey
The guys from grade school making fun of me: Memories/Issues of my past taunting/distracting me

I have been studying about vulnerability and connection over the last several months. So this dream is very timely. You cannot have connection without being vulnerable. And being vulnerable can be very scary, but it can also be liberating. Brené Brown encourages us to "own our story, show up and be seen." Be our true, authentic selves. If we want a wholehearted life, we must throw off the idea of "who we THINK we're supposed to be and embrace who we really are." I don't know about you, but I have been struggling with that all of my life. And I've finally said no more! I want connection and I can only have that if I am vulnerable, own my story and be who I really am. My goal: Wholeheartedness. 

We were created for connection! "Our imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we're all in this together. Imperfectly, but together." -Brené Brown 💚

In Process: Grief - Overwhelmed

When I was a kid, I had an experience riding home from my Aunt & Uncle's house. It was an odd sensation, considering I was just a kid, but I remember it like it was yesterday. And from time to time it reoccurs. One of those times was this morning.

That night, decades ago, I remember riding home after an evening with my extended family. The car windows were open. I could smell the fragrance of the fresh cut alfalfa. Tall corn stalks were rushing by the headlights on the side of the road as we headed toward home. 

I had this sensation of feeling OVERWHELMED, like I had bitten off more than I could chew...it was as if my mouth was expanding to try and accommodate what I had bitten, but there was absolutely no way possible to make it fit. I looked out my window and I became even more overwhelmed. It was the oddest situation I had ever faced in my young life. And I had no idea what brought it on.

This morning, as I was sitting on my balcony drinking coffee, that same feeling came over me. 

There was a jet flying over, and I looked up when all of a sudden out of the blue, this overwhelming wave swallowed me whole. No matter where I looked or what I thought about, I was trapped. My mouth filled with this perception of biting off more than I could chew and my world seemed humongous and smothering all at the same time. 

I had no control over it. Its not even that I CHOSE to "bite off more than I could chew." It was forced on me. I didn't ASK for the events of the last 20 months. I didn't ASK for Momma to die. I didn't ASK for Dad to stop taking his medicines and give up on life. I didn't ASK to get let go from my job. I didn't ASK to keep receiving rejection letter after rejection letter from positions which I had have applied to, for which I was qualified (and even OVER qualified). 

I am not looking for a pity party. I simply want to be honest about where I am in this process of grief. I have been listening to Dr. Brené Brown recently, speaking about vulnerability. And for so long I've believed vulnerability to be a weakness. But Dr. Brown changed my mind. She helped me to see it as my greatest strength. And here's why....

Giving voice to what is going on inside my head and my heart....I believe THAT'S half the battle. And to all of you who are (or have) experiencing grief or loss of any kind, it is OKAY to feel everything you're feeling and thinking. It is OKAY to share about it all. Find someone or a group of friends who will listen and embrace you. Find a therapy group. Find a counselor. Find an outlet, like blogging. Or art. Or fitness. Or construction. Or whatever outlet fits you. Just don't hold it in. Be vulnerable. Be you. Be free to speak your truth, completely. We love you. I love you. 💜

White Privilege and the 2015 Charlotte Mayor's Race

Did you see it?

It was hard to miss if you were paying attention. I believe white privilege is a major factor in the 2015 Charlotte Mayoral race. If you're in tune to matters of racial inequality and trying to find ways to eradicate it within our community, I trust you understand what I'm talking about. Read on. 

White privilege is a set of advantages and/or immunities that white people benefit from on a daily basis beyond those common to all others.White privilege can exist without white people's conscious knowledge of its presence and it helps to maintain the racial hierarchy in this country.May 10, 2003

White privilege - Mount Holyoke College

https://www.mtholyoke.edu/org/wsar/intro.htm

White privilege was served up to the black community on a silver platter during the 2015 Charlotte Mayoral Primary. I have no doubt it will continue. It was truly heartbreaking to witness such a willingness to receive every word. It was stunning, actually. It seemed as if the black community was in a fog or a trance, or a pied piper was playing. In a city where African-Americans make up 64 percent of the vote, the 2 white candidates carried many of the city's black precincts. Basically flipped them from 2013. Read on. You'll understand why I'm so stunned. 

They did so by getting a free pass, IMO, despite misrepresenting themselves and even lying to the citizens of Charlotte. Harsh, but true. Let me explain. 

In the past 18 months, we've been in a hypersensitive season in Charlotte politics, where ETHICS and ACCOUNTABILITY have been central to leadership. The City Council's Code of Ethics was revised in response to the former Mayor's (a BLACK man) unethical choices, which led to federal corruption charges & a prison sentence. Granted, the current mayoral candidates' behavior is nowhere near as severe as our former mayor's, HOWEVER, our leaders must be above reproach and carry themselves with the highest degree of character & integrity, ESPECIALLY when we're just emerging from one of the darkest times in Charlotte politics.  Being THE ONE appointed to the seat vacated due to corruption & ethics, one would think that a candidate for Mayor would thoughtfully consider their actions in every way, even in the smallest way. 

However, this was not the case, and we have a candidate (a WHITE man)

who said he would NOT run, (the media & his colleagues can bear witness to this agreement,) and yet he profusely denies he ever said any such thing. And he is now engrossed in the primary runoff. And no one is really saying anything about it or holding him accountable. Free pass.

As Deray McKesson says, "Watch whiteness work." 

The same can be said of the other candidate (a WHITE woman) in the mayoral runoff. She has consistently misrepresented herself and any authority she would have as mayor. She made promises in the black community (and the entire city for that matter) on which she has very little (and in some cases, NO) ability to follow through because the Mayor's office has limited power. But many voters don't know. Her campaign continues to run a false ad on TV; she has been called out about it as false. She has even corrected herself about it in public. But she still runs it. I read one local journalist say she knew how to 'exploit' the African American demographic. That she did. Free pass. 

Watch whiteness work. 

I'm watching this all play out with my own eyes, and I can't believe it. But at the same time, I can. I'm not hating on white people. I am white people. I am simply calling for accountability in our leaders. Like my Dad always said, "I call 'em like I see 'em." I'm sure neither are necessarily bad people. They know how whiteness works. 

The one LEGIT candidate in the race (a BLACK man), who ran clean, governed with clean hands, has done the work for his constituents and the city consistently with grit, humility & professionalism, has the experience, and can show you the results of his 10 years of work on the council, came in dead last. Why? Because there was a fear stoked: 'what if having another BLACK man in the mayor's office brings more corruption?' 

When the former mayor was arrested, WHO stepped in and held the city together, kept city services operating, spoke to the international media, and calmed everyone's fear about what was happening in our city? The LEGIT One. Who has continued moving the city forward consistently, bringing jobs and development, with integrity, great character and grace under incredible circumstances? The LEGIT One. 

In 2013, the LEGIT One carried 126 of the 166 total precincts. 

But now, he is done. 

Fear is a MF. 

Watch whiteness work.

*All views are my own.