In Process: Grief - Share or Stay Silent?

I don't know about you, but I have debates in my head, (lately it seems on a daily basis) regarding what I should share, or IF I should share what is going on in my heart and mind. I don't want to come across sounding pitiful, or crazy, or pathetic, or attention-seeking, or hopeless....although, there are some days when I cannot see past the next hour or next day; numb to the world around me, I stare at a wall across the room or zone out watching cars pass by on the street below my balcony.

I'm not always in these places of....I don't even know what to call what it is that I experience....is it a wave of grief? I guess so. I think that's what it is. I hadn't experienced a wave in several months until two weeks ago, (I'm still in the midst) but when one washes over me, I am literally taken down and taken out. I am knocked off my feet and overwhelmed by the wave, so much so that I am rendered incapacitated. Its in those moments that I send out a "mayday," via social media or text to my friends and loved ones. And I remember Dr. Brené Brown's words....

 This is not easy for me. I have always been the type of person to keep things bottled up. I try to figure things out or fix them on my own. Rarely ask for help. My Dad used to tell me, "If you want something done right, do it yourself." I can very much relate to Brené in Daring Greatly when she talks about the various stages of her life that brought her to her 'spiritual awakening.' She shares in Daring Greatly (2012), "All of my stages were different suits of armor that kept me from becoming too engaged and too vulnerable. Each strategy was built on the same premise: Keep everyone at a safe distance and always have an exit strategy." THIS WAS ALL ME.

BUT......BUT.....

So, no matter how painful it might be, I must show up and be seen, bedhead, ugly cries and all.....and so can you.

Bless you 💜